i permit you to call me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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