mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
