I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
