The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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