i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
