I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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