I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
