It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
