I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
