Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
