people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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