She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
