Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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