I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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