so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's like iHOP with fire
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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