the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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