She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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