giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
