he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
