I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize