I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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