as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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