Got a toothbrush?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
