So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This toilet bowl is my home.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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