i can't believe i had my finger in that
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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