and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
