I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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