just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
