I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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