He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
