I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize