She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
