evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
