I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize