david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
