im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
