Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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