THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
