Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
