How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize