You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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