If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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