Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
