Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
