You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
