thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
