I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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