ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
