All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it was like eating out sand paper
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
