the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
