I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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