i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize