Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
