I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
