I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
