I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
