So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
