I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
