He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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