R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
