They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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