i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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