i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
