Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You dont lie about slip and slides
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
