Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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