Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So. Much. Porn.
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