I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
