his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
where are you?
Hypothermia
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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