I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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