I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
