My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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