Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
