Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Welp...herpes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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